Flare-up

I've been dealing with a flare-up of hip and knee pain since a couple of weeks ago when I spent far too much time on my feet (~3 or 4 hours in a row). This has had quite a few unfortunate effects:

1. Pain, obviously. I don't like being in pain, and it's starting to make me actively avoid things like stairs, even though it probably wouldn't hurt me any more to walk downstairs than it would to walk on a flat surface. Instead, I take the elevator.

2. Missed classes. Or, a missed class, so far. I skipped my second class last Thursday because I couldn't take the hard chairs, and my morning class, with really cushioned chairs and room to spread out in any direction needed, had been hard to sit through. I also missed everything but the Shabbat Maariv service for Rosh Hashana. Given that this was essentially my first Rosh Hashana (I'm converting, but not Jewish), that really sucked.

3. I'm falling behind on classwork. Not just because it's hard for me to sit at a desk to get work done --true enough, but I sit/lie on my bed instead-- but also because emotional distress causes me to procrastinate and/or be unfocused. I need to catch up, but don't really have the time.

4. Likewise falling behind on my job. As a HM/House Manager (more or less the same thing as an RA/Resident Advisor), I'm responsible for programming, and that hasn't been happening.


I'm contemplating whether or not I'll be able to attend my afternoon class today, since sitting through lunch was hard for me. At the very least, I need to bring a pillow for cushioning, although that earns me strange looks from people who don't know me and questions from those who do.

I have a prescription for physical therapy, and I've been trying to do the exercises the therapist gave me, but that's hard when I start the day out hurting and she told me not to do the exercises if they'll make the pain worse.

I also just made an appointment for next week with the on-campus counseling service. The psychologist I see is very good, and I'm starting to feel like I need to talk things out with someone whose job it is to advocate for me, without having to balance other people's agendas as well. Because when I fall behind on work I know very well I used to be capable of handling, I start to feel like a failure, and that is not a good path to follow.